2023 - The Year I Met Adderall

Imagine my surprise self-diagnosing myself with ADHD after the age of 50. The diagnosis answered a host of questions I'd always had about my ability to focus, deliver, and get started on so many parts of my life (social, personal, work). It revealed why my manic bouts with new creative ideas all eventually languish unfinished in my To Do List. My weeks of full days stifled with crippling inability to start on new projects, coupled with a internet addiction to feed me dopamine on an endless stream of new content slowly becoming paywalled around me. It was frustrating, to say the least.

I didn't just magically diagnose myself, but when my Niece was diagnosed as having ADHD by a specialist, her Father soon followed, then another Brother, and his kids too. They all agreed that my Mother has shown symptoms her whole life, but we (not being Medical Doctor's) never put our finger on what the issue was. Surely enough, it's genetically passed, and now I can say it's the motherfucking ADHD that makes my life a stifled burden.

After a weeks worth of steady quizzing of Dr. Google, (I apologize to all actual trained Medical Doctors) I came away with a working knowledge of the ADHD symptoms, their official names ("executive disfunction"), and common treatments (prescribed medicines) and their effectiveness based on age. There's lots of brand new drugs out there to treat ADHD. Many of my family members are on different meds and doses that work for them: Stratera, Adderall, Ritalin, Vyvanse... They're all new and very expensive and covered by their insurance.

As if I didn't appreciate the diagnosis, I certainly was in a pickle; I'm uninsured, and currently paying for my medical coverage out of pocket by using a nearby Federally Funded Community Health Center that thankfully discount and writes off as many medical costs as they can. Having recently been diagnosed and currently getting treating my High Blood Pressure, my Medical Doctor couldn't officially diagnose me with ADHD, nor refer me to any specialist in their system. I could pay out of pocket to get a diagnosis from a private specialist, and hopefully glean a prescription for traditional ADHD treatment. I could also find (ahem) alternative distributors of the hugely popular Adderall, especially now with a surge of ADHD Diagnosis during the pandemic.

Overall, I found Adderall to be a godsend for fixing (my) ADHD. It gave me focus to finish many long-ignored projects: I finished my Duplex for nice secondary monthly income. It allowed me to stop dillydallying and focus on other moneymaking ideas. I paid $10 per 30mg Adderall pill from a reseller, and then I split each pill in two, as I find 15mg is a strong enough dose to be effective. I also restrict my doses to 2-3 times a week at most. The residual effect gives me 2 days of higher functioning before I'm back to my old ADHD self. Of course, as with all Rainbows, there were some rainy Side Effects. Personally, it killed my sex drive, slowly but surely, plus added a host of ED issues, too. On days when I wasn't medicated, I felt even more guilt and shame when I recognize that I cannot beat my ADHD alone. I liked the benefits of Adderall, but not the side-effects or lack of continuous dosage, nor the potential exorbitant daily costs by buying off-prescription.

2024 - The Year I (re)met Wellbutrin XL

A few months back, after many complaints of my ADHD issues stifling my progress to my Medical Doctor, she suggested I try Wellbutrin XL to treat my ADHD. It'd been decades since I was last on it for a bout of Depression, and I'd gladly give anything a try. This didn't require a specialist's visit, and could be prescribed right away and filled for the usual $5/month/prescription I was paying. My Doctor handily prescribed me a 300mg daily dose, starting with 150mg a day for the first two weeks.

Within days, I found every day to be a day like a day I was on Adderall. I scratched off a million things on my To Do List; Started a bunch of new projects too - Finished them as well! Focused more on earning money and less on just dumping creative ideas by finishing an international Fashion line which I hope generates income for decades. I was thrilled; Beyond ecstatic with my newfound powers. I even tried taking an Adderall to see if I experienced even more boosted performance, and found any Adderall boost was almost negligible now. The old crutch was no longer effective nor needed!

As I stepped up my Wellbutrin XL dosage to the full 300mg/day, I found the negative side effects increased beyond my comfort, and confirmed with my Medical Doctor that I could maintain the lower daily dosage. Weirdly enough, Constipation was an odd side effect and the most distressing considering my usual regular-ness. Once back at the lower dose, all the negative side effect dissipated, too.

Now, I'm looking to other mood-altering substances I use regularly (Cough, cough: Caffiene) and looking to squash them as well, as I notice a direct link between (bad) moods shortly after consuming it. I think my decades of abuse have convinced me it's doing a lot of the heavy lifting of keeping me awake during the day, which I no longer require at this stage of life anyway.

I've gotten much better at diagnosing other people's ADHD symptoms from personal anecdotes, and try to limit my own retelling of my personal frustrations. I'm happily getting daily, regular treatment for my ADHD, and can appreciate the delight of being treated for only $5 per month! I feel normal for once, and hope to use my newfound attention to finish even more (money-making?) projects! (This very blog may be the first beneficiary of my attention - keep tuned for new blog posts!)